hey, i had fun with the vmas, so i’m gonna tackle the def jam honorary ceremonies on vh1. very excited about seeing 2 hours of good music and tracy morgan. a bit late, but i’m here now.
edit: definitely worth watching. catch a rerun if you can.
8:00 p.m. – i can’t believe i missed tracy morgan’s opening monologue. someone tell me how that went.
8:06 p.m. – ll cool j talking about meeting rubin and thinking he was black. well played.
8:08 p.m. – the roots is by far the best house band of all time. i want them to play my wedding and have questlove emcee the entire thing. i wish i had money. black thought laying down ll’s “rock the bells.”
8:10 p.m. – slim!
8:11 p.m. – dj jazzy jeff spotted!
8:13 p.m. – russell simmons is the only multimillionaire with all black fitted and tailored tuxedos. what a champ. and every time he sits, he’s in ready-to-meditate position.
8:15 p.m. - i’ll catch some heat for this, but i’ve always hated public enemy.
8:15 p.m. – rick rubin already looks like the lost member of zz top. he couldn’t throw on a suit for one evening?
8:24 p.m. – def jam south as presented by hometown hero scarface and luda! face doin guess who’s back. where the hell’s jay-z? oh yeah, he’s way too cool for this.
8:26 p.m. – oh how i love these pretty ass hoes! first time i heard this song, i elbowed my 8th grade art teacher in the head. been droppin’ bows ever since.
8:28 p.m. – scoopy giles is in the buildin. swagga on a…
8:30 p.m. – kid rock and wale? are we talking one performing entity or two separate acts? i can’t see kid rock singin’ “chillin” at any given point in the summer, much or less throughout the entire thing.
8:35 p.m. – damn, wale, gym class and krs-one with an onstage collab doing a spin of no sleep til brooklyn. this shit’s getting wild.
8:38 p.m. – krs wrecked as far as freestyles go. still think the dude’s insane, though.
8:43 p.m. – it’s been a good 6 years since i’ve listen to any warren g besides “regulate.” now he’s performing with trey songz? suspect.
8:44 p.m. – who the fuck invited clinton sparks?
8:45 p.m. - trey is making nate dogg look like a pussy. i consider it a snub, personally.
8:50 p.m. – this show needs moar scoopy giles pronto.
8:55 p.m. - red and meth! doing rockwilder! holllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
8:59 p.m. - to further echo the above sentiment, mjb and meth are doing “all i need now.” jesus.
9:07 p.m. – julie greenwald just said fun 11 times in the last 2 minutes.
9:08 p.m. – ladies and gentleman, lock your kids up. onyx is on stage. hope the FCC is ready.
9:11 p.m. - “def jam was like my motown growing up.” well put, chris lighty.
9:16 p.m. – dear ja rule and ashanti, please go away forever. no one missed you. ja rule sounds like oscar the grouch with emphysema.
9:21 p.m. – man, who gave this duo 5 whole minutes on air?
9:30 p.m. – ricky rawse hustles everyday. this guy’s performance is belligerent.
9:31 p.m. – my cousin just brought up a good point. where the hell did ross get fila leather?
9:38 p.m. – start barking. dmx and gym class gon’ make me lose ma mind. up in here.
9:40 p.m. – man, this really takes me back to 8th grade.
9:42 p.m. – ONE TWO MEET ME OUTSIDE.
9:44 p.m. – lol of the night goes to “i got 99 donuts, but that bitch ate one.” via scoopy giles
9:51 p.m. – chris rock is pretty much one of my favorite dudes in pop culture. straight up. i’ve been a fan of nearly EVERYTHING he’s done.
9:52 p.m. – KID rock, however, is a complete douche. what happened to his faux country phase? someone kick him in the nuts.
9:54 p.m. – fabo and foxy are doin “i’ll be.” foxy’s chesticles are as big as fab’s head.
9:56 p.m. – ghostface and chrisette michelle performing “back like that.” needs moar a. remix b. ne-yo and c. kanye west.
9:58 p.m. – aaaaaaaaaaaaand they read my mind. wale’s doing kanye’s touch the sky with a backpack and rugby polo. hell of a closer. now he’s playing us out to encore. big spot on the VMAs as the house band? check. covering kanye and jay-z as the closer for the vh1 hip hop openers? check. opening spot on jay-z’s tour? check. big year.